We went on five dates, now we’re quarantined together!
For us singles, dating in a time of coronavirus is proving to be tricky. There is now no meeting up at bars, no social gatherings and strict social distancing rules. How in the world can you pursue a relationship in its early stages if you can’t even share a hug, let alone a first kiss?
Since my break-up in November, I’d slowly been edging back to the dating scene. Alex came into my life a few years ago but the stars only aligned recently. Importantly, he came highly recommended by a mutual friend and we had been hanging out, playing pool, enjoying yummy dinners out and about.
Things were slowly progressing, after having a traumatic break-up and nursing a broken heart, it felt good to start laughing again, and having fun.
Alex and I started out by finding common ground: comparing break-up stories over wine, and talking about how we managed to put ourselves back together again. Soon we discovered a shared love of food and wine, travel and trash TV, but also a fascination with human behaviour.
Then came the pandemic...
Five dates in, though, and the news broke: COVID-19 was coming, and would put a serious spanner in the works. Bars were now shut, people began working from home and the message came through crystal clear that self-isolation was the one thing we could do to stop the spread of this virus.
As a single mum, sharing custody can be difficult at the best of times, mainly because I miss my son terribly when I don’t have him. But this week we decided to pull him out of school and self-isolate him out of town with his father.
The periods where I don’t see him are always the hardest and I always fill my time with catch-ups with friends, family and the odd date. But now what was I going to do? Self isolate in my house, on my own, without any human contact, indefinitely?
That sounds like my worst nightmare. Though I know some people are OK with it, I knew it would be lonely and, after a very tough last few months, be detrimental for my mental health.
Dating, but make it quarantining
Alex and I realised we had two options: we could either pause things and take it online, or take a more MAFS approach, dive head-first and quarantine together! We weighed it up, talked to friends and family and then decided to take the plunge.
He packed a bag, two rolls of toilet paper (I was running out!) along with a bath towel, laptop and some wine, and set out on what has proven to be an interesting experiment: bunkering down at mine!
It’s a strange time and our lifestyles have dramatically changed, with many of us feeling overwhelmed with the unknown, fear, loss of jobs and the bigger potential impacts on the economy and of course, the physical health of those who are vulnerable to infection.
But I’m very concerned about the long-term effects of self-isolation on the mental health of people in our community, seeing that human connection is a fundamental need.
I know for myself, having suffered bouts of depression and anxiety, that what helps me the most is having people around me, even sometimes when I don’t feel like it. Laughter, distraction and feeling like you’re connected to others is so important.
So how is our social experiment panning out?
Well, we’ve made it to day six!
At first, it felt a little odd. Having someone in my safe place, and finding the trust in myself to feel comfortable with someone again is something I’m proud of, because it's not easy. We use different bathrooms (but I did check to make sure he is a seat-down guy and he is. Phew). He’s neat and tidy, does our dishes and makes sure I’m OK every day.
We meet in the mornings at 9 AM to watch the news and check for any corona updates, but otherwise negative stuff is banned until the nightly news. We’re both working from home, from either ends of the couch, and break for lunch and stretches in the backyard. We take it in turns to cook and he’s passing with flying colours. He got extra points for putting the bins out!
It's made us get closer, faster
Being in such close proximity to one another sure is a test of getting to know each other, fast. We chat about art, books and music, and debate each other on politics and social issues.
There’s always a laugh and a cuddle at the end of the day, which is a nice feeling. It’s lovely to have the sense that someone is there, that we’re holding space for each other day every day during this time of uncertainty.
We catch each other's eye every now and then and it’s clear we’re both thinking, ‘Are we really doing this?!’ Our after-work drinks are on the deck outside, where we ask each other some hard-hitting questions, and after watching the latest episode of MAFS, get a ‘commitment ceremony’ vibe and grill each other on where we are at and how we are feeling.
Most nights turn into playing our favourite songs and singing at the top of our lungs, laughing and dancing in the kitchen. We FaceTime our friends and family who are also in isolation, and are becoming known as the “COVID couple”.
People think we are crazy for embarking on this … but also understand why it's important for each of us.
And this may be the norm for a while...
In this time of huge disruption, we as a society need to keep an open mind, find new ways to look after each other and as far as I’m concerned, the more creative we can be in finding ways to connect is key.
Whether that’s through FaceTime dinner parties or curbside social-distancing drinks with neighbours, however you can make this time easier, less lonely and happier (in healthy ways), I’m in favour of it.
Who knows how or when this will end, but I’m growing closer to this human and it’s comforting.
This time is an opportunity to reset and refocus on what we are grateful for, but I’m lucky to have my dog, my garden, unlimited internet and my overall health. In these unprecedented times one must look to seek out the silver linings.
Ultimately, we are all in this together, and will get through it together, and no matter what, Alex will always be my COVID buddy.
This article first appeared in Kidspot.
